Friday, May 27, 2011

Ego: the mind killer

Hello kids, I’d like to take some time today to talk about something very important: ego. What’s that you say? Ego? What is it? Well, boys and girls, ego is the belief that you are awesome and that you’re too cool for… fill in the blank. But surely people in religious publishing don’t have that, do they? They know that their value comes exclusively from Jesus, right? You’d think, but once you get a taste of success, it’s amazing how it can change you. Especially if you are already prone to pride and ego to begin with.

So, how does this relate to me?

Right now I’m having to evaluate my writing career and determine what is the best next move. I would like to say I have the world on a string and I have all the answers. However, I do not. I’m faced with some tough choices about how I want to be seen as an author, and some of my best options make me appear far more amateurish than I really want to. No, none of these options are bad. Not by half a shot. But my ego is in the way, and I find myself dragging my feet because I’m convinced I’m way too awesome for… fill in the blank. I’m so wracked with ego I don’t even want to discuss the specifics here in cyberspace.  Sure, it would also be imprudent to share since some of the information is privileged, but really my motivation has more to do with the fact that I’m prideful about my writing career.

So, LORD, forgive me of my pride (which I acknowledge as sin), give me the strength to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and the freedom from pride needed to make any of these actions honoring to You.



Lena Nelson Dooley said...

Conlan, don't think you are all by your lonesome in this. I have had moments like that in my writing life.

That was when I had to take time apart with the Lord, immerse myself in His holy presence, and let go of my will. I've learned that His ways are always better, even if they take far longer to be fulfilled than I want them to.

Beth Shriver said...

Great blog, Conlan. I appreciate your struggle and admire your going to the Lord with humbleness. Authors have some of the biggest egos I know, we are a strange bunch and it's nice to hear someone be honest enough to bring it forward.