5 Reasons to NOT Attend a Writers Conference

Okay, so lots of writers have written blog posts about the virtues of writers conferences. They list all the benefits and glorify them until you’d think you were slapping down hundreds of dollars for eternal life. Well, I hate to rain on anyone’s parade but I’m about to bring in the thunderheads and set ‘em loose.

Here are 5 reasons NOT to attend a writers conference.

1. You may see someone you know. Or, forbid it all, meet someone new, maybe even someone from a foreign state like, say, Florida. You’ll have to talk to them, get to know them, and probably find out you share a lot in common. In fact, you’ll be surrounded by a bunch of weird writer-types who share your same interests. It’ll remind you of one of those bizarre conventions where everyone dresses up like writers and pretends to be fascinated with what you’re currently working on.

2. Editors and agents are there for the specific reason of talking to you and seeing your work. You may find out that they’re quite normal people, most of them even nice people, and then they’ll be knocked off that pedestel you’ve put them on. All fear will be banished

 3. People will want to read what you’ve written. You’ll feel exposed, vulnerable. Your writing will be critiqued and then you’ll feel like you need to actually improve it.

4. You’ll be encouraged to explore and understand why you feel that urge to write so much. They’ll get all emotional on you and throw around words like “calling” and “purpose.” You’ll be challenged to dig deep and search your soul. Ugh.

5. You will become a better writer and increase your chances of getting published. The worst of all . . . someone may actually take you and your passion for writing seriously. Then you’ll have to spend real time writing and reading and honing your craft.

Are you really game for all that?

Question: Have you ever attended a writers conference? Which one and was it torture or what?

Her Lilac Blouse Complimented Her Eyes --- MY FOOT!

Ah, the male mind. What woman can truly comprehend its complexity? As an author of romantic fiction, I certainly try – quite a feat, although having a husband and 3 sons helps.

Still, I don’t think like a guy. Case in point, I would have once described, in great length, a woman’s attire as she strode into a room at the very point when the handsome hero gets his first glimpse of her. In his viewpoint, I’d elaborate on details of each article of her clothing.

Well, I’ve since learned that if I’m writing the scene from a male’s point-of-view, he wouldn’t likely notice how her lilac-colored blouse complimented the hue of her violet-blue eyes.

Some men might, yes. But most men – particularly alpha heroes – probably would not.

To illustrate this point, I conducted my own personal survey. That’s right. I emailed my grown sons. I consider them “alpha” males, so I asked them if they’d noticed the clothing their significant others wore the first time they’d met (shirt, jeans, skirt, dress, etc). My sons’ replies were as follows:

“Mom, are you kidding me?”

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“Mom, is this for one of your books?”

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“You don’t want to know what we noticed, Mom. We’re dudes, ok?”

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So much for the lilac-colored blouse complimenting her eyes.

Of course, I can recall the clothing my sons’ girlfriends wore when I first met them. One gal was in Army fatigues with her hair pulled back into a tight bun, as she and my son had just come from their weekend duty. Another was casual, wearing jeans and a tee shirt. Another had on a cute jumper and wore her hair all curled and femininely cute.

But, realize this: I was “the mom” checking these new girlfriends out – and I’m a writer who is trained to notice details.

The average guy is not.

But I went ahead with my survey anyway and asked the top alpha male in my household. My husband. He said that when we met he first noticed my blue eyes. Then he noticed that I had a pretty smile. (Aw…okay, he gets to eat supper tonight.)

My point is this: be true to your characters. If you’re in your male character’s POV, then think like a guy. And men, don’t snicker. You’ve got the same problems – women’s points of view. Sometimes I’ll pick up a book written by a male writer and find I just cannot get into the story because I can’t relate to the female character. She doesn’t think like I do – or any woman I know, for that matter. And I love it (NOT) when male writers assume that just because she’s a woman their female characters can have mood swings to fit the scenes and/or plotlines. No, male writers still need to do character charts and all their characters should have believable motivations. Not all women kill somebody simply because it’s that time of the month.

 

But never fear, all you bewildered bards, Gender Genie is here! That’s right. There is a website dedicated to help writers check their characters’ points of view. Simply copy and paste a scene into the Genie Gender and it’ll come back telling you whether its orientation is male or female.

Of course, Gender Genie is a computer-generated program so it doesn’t have the corner on character viewpoints. However, it is a tool. Authors are the ones who need to know and understand their characters’ thoughts and the motives behind their actions.

So now I’m curious what readers say. Has the viewpoint of the opposite sex in any book(s) you’ve read really bugged you because he or she just didn’t think like a guy or girl would – or should?  I’d love to hear from you.

Losing Heart: Overcoming Discouragement

There is a word that writers hate. It’s discouragement.

Actually, writers don’t hate the word they hate the feeling – the doubt, self-doubt, the disappointment, the depression. These 3-D words are as hated as discouragement itself, but seem to accurately sum up the emotion. After all, discouragement is multifaceted.

Doubt & Self-doubt

Sometimes when I’m in the middle of writing a story the enemy of my soul’s voice drowns out those of my characters. He says, “this story stinks,” “no publisher will ever buy this novel,” and “you think you’re a writer? Ha!” It’s hard to stop listening to the lies and stay positive. Why is it so much easier to believe lies than the truth?

I think in answering that question, one has to ask, “What is the truth?”

If you’re a Christian and believe the Bible, the truth is that if a story is burning in your heart, God put it there. Seek His will for what you’re to do with it. Should it be in book form? Should it be self-published? Should it be posted on the Internet? A blog? Should it be hand-written on a legal pad and read to your child at bedtime? There are lots of possibilities. But we need to be confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in us will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)

This goes for all our talents and gifts – spiritual ones included. Since every good and perfect gift comes from above (James 1:17), we need to be confident – and not doubt or self-doubt.

Sure, you might think. Easy for me to say. NOT SO! I doubt more than the biblical Thomas! But that only makes me have to trust God more.

Disappointment

Sometimes expectations run higher than reality which causes a letdown. Book-signings, for instance, are a primo source of disappointment for me. Whenever I have a scheduled signing at a store I plot and plan, make brochures, announce it on FaceBook and in emails…and then six people show up. Six very important people, mind you! But when I expected twenty-five, six is a bit disappointing.

In writing, as in life, disappointments occur. We all experience them; however, some of us just feel them deeper than others. That’s where the discouragement comes in, the temptation to say, “Oh, just forget it. It’s not worth it.” It’s sort of the Eeyore syndrome (remember Pooh’s friend?). Always looking on the disappointment side of life.

As Christians, we ought to believe that even life’s disappointments are God’s will. He has a sovereign plan that includes the ups and downs. They all make us who we are and cause us to depend on Him.

Depression

When trust and dependence on God get tossed depression can set in. Depression can also be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. If you’ve been depressed for a lengthy time, consult with your physician. We live in a sin-cursed earth and just like people can develop pneumonia from a bad cold virus, people can develop clinical depression. It’s a horrible feeling and an uphill battle for chronic sufferers. 

However, if your depression has developed due to a situation, it might be time to take the bull by the horns and analyze the root of your feelings surrounding it.

Just like the waves are sure to crash against Lake Michigan’s shoreline, trials will certainly come our way. They’re inevitable. The question is how will we handle them?

I can tell you honestly that there are times I’ve wished I handled situations better, with more finesse and grace. Like the time my tenant called and yelled at me because we’d put our duplex up for sale and she didn’t want to move. Instead of being patient and diplomatic, I threw the telephone handset across the room. After having to purchase a new set of cordless phones, I proceeded to mentally beat myself up because I’d reacted badly. Depression set in. Not because of anything my tenant did, but because I’d lost sight of an Almighty God who, even when circumstances seem out of control, rules the world and all things in it (including us human beings). Discouragement followed and I found it difficult to stand my ground – which Christians are allowed to do albeit politely. The Bible says “Be angry and sin not.” Anger is human emotion. But when we start breaking telephones, we’ve crossed the line (pardon the pun)

I’d be lying if I said I’ve conquered the aforementioned 3-Ds. I haven’t, but please…who has? I can tell you that as a published author and certified Christian life coach, I am very well aware of them in my life and in the lives of others.

Recently had a friend announced that she’s giving up writing. After almost thirty books in print, she feels her work is pointless, meaningless because she’s not making much money. She took down her Facebook page and web site and she rarely looks at her emails. Why should she bother?

The opposite, however, is true for this dear friend. She has touched many, many lives with her fiction and nonfiction. It broke my heart to hear the discouragement in her voice when we talked that day. But she couldn’t hear my voice of encouragement over the lies pertaining to her check-less royalty statement.

So who did she trust? Where was her dependence? I respectfully submit to you that it’s not in an Almighty God but in the almighty dollar. Sure, money talks. But we’re not required to always listen.

As for my friend, I hope she’ll reconsider. I’ve been down the same sad road she travels and I know from experience that our God is also the healer of discouraged hearts. For myself, I plan to trust God with my writing ministry and persevere.

Improve Your Writing RIGHT NOW

Question: What’s one thing I can do to improve my writing right now?

Answer: Be honest.

Writing—good writing, anyway—is not about sugar-coating life and popularity ratings. It’s more about stripping away the façade we all put up, the mask we all wear, and tackling life as we live it.

Let’s face it, there’s enough dishonesty in the world already. Half-truths, white lies, withheld information, flattery, scandals, hypocrisy, betrayal. Everyday we’re smacked with it, confronted with the fact that people are not who they say they are, circumstances are rarely what they appear to be.

Writing gives us a chance to reverse that trend and show the world (or at least your friends and family) who we really are.

Here are two areas to start with:

First, be honest with yourself. Careful now, this one’s not as easy as it may seem. It’s easy and often too convenient to lie to ourselves, to convince ourselves that we are someone else, that everything is okay, to ignore the yearnings of our heart and crying of our soul. But if we can’t be honest with ourselves we’ll never be honest period. And our writing will suffer tremendously and come off as superficial and concocted.

Want to add authenticity to your writing? Search your soul, dig into those hidden recesses of your heart and mind and find the real you, the you that wrestles with your past, is disappointed in your failures, struggles with the brutality of life.

Second, be honest with your readers. Don’t give them what they want to hear, don’t cater to norms or expectations. Now is the time to pour onto the page those emotions you drudged up when you were being honest with yourself. Chances are, you’ll find you’re not alone, that there are others out there dealing with the same issues, hurting from the same wounds, celebrating the same victories.

As always, writing is a reflection of the bigger picture and honesty works not just on the page but in the person. We could all benefit from a little more transparency, a little more vulnerability, a little more honesty.